The conversation IS the relationship

“Sou maravilhosamente irresponsável no que vocês escutam, mas sou totalmente responsável do que eu digo”. ---> "I am amazingly unresponsible for what you hear, but I am totally responsible for what I say" Maturana

Talking with a friend 'bout communication's problems, he gave me the quote above to reflect on... and I totally agree with it, as it's clear to me, that what we hear depends on how we experience and understand the reality around us, while what we say depends on our capacity to express the reality we know..which doesn't mean the other will get what we are trying to convey, as:

a. we may not use the right terminology

b. we are thinking about something, saying the opposite, still our non-verbal communication expreses what we are really thinking

c. we haven't a clear idea on our mind and are talking for the pleasure of expressing ourself

d. we are talking about something we don't have a clue of.

Solutions respectively are:

a. use right words, as my brother says: "each word has its meaning, use it PROPERLY & WISELY!"

b. be honest & sincere

"We ask thee to ...be fair and just in thy speech, that perchance the splendors of the daystar of truthfulness and sincerity may shine forth, and may deliver thee from the darkness of ignorance, and illumine the world with the light of knowledge." (Baha'u'llah, Epistle to the Son of the Wolf, p. 10)
c. think before open the mouth to speak (a sacred rule!!) or stay in silence (usually, the best thing to do!)

d. talk only about things one knows, be humbe and state: "I'm sorry, don't know anything about this!"

COMMUNICATION IS AN ACT OF LOVE!

To engage someone in dialogue is to recognize the person, have faith in him/her. Every step taken in the struggle to build a better relationship, every level we try tirelessly to establish a dialogue, or reestablish it if it has broken down, we are indeed demonstrating how much we care and love. We woudn't even try othrewise! When we give up or keep inside what we feel cause we think the other wont understand or that we are incapable of conveying it clearly, we are destroying the relationship (among family members, friends, governments, society...) everything will fall apart, as it's already happening!

"The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words." Rachel N. Remen

I think God is the best listener!

I can tell this from my experience, He listens to us so carefully and completely that is the only One Who really answers... and His Mercy is in that, the answer He gives us is the best thing could ever suits us, not the one we think or want, 'cause indeed, we don't know what's the best for ourself, BUT GOD DOES! The problem is we are just too occupied with listening to ourself, and too often we don't even hear the reply!

Then, we should also learn to communicate with our own style... "see with thine own eyes and not through the eyes of others, and shalt know of thine own knowledge and not through the knowledge of thy neighbor." (Baha'u'llah, The Arabic Hidden Words, 2)

I know only One, whose communication style is perfect!

That is:

• ORIGINAL ---> distinctive, new,


• CHASTE---> says exactly what it means, no double meaning, no roundabout expressions,


• & VIGOROUS ---> has power and enshrines words with an ocean of deeper meaning

This is Baha'u'llah!

"Tell me and I'll forget. Show me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll understand."- Confucius

This is exactly what His (Baha'u'llah's) words do... if only we open our heart and mind and wish to hear!

Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much...

THEREFORE,

END OF THIS POST!